somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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