Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
