cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
