just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
