just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
