My friends, they love my intelligence
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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