hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
