i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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