grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
