at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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