Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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