Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
