my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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