I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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