is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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