So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
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Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
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If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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