plz talk dirty to me
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
