I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
