My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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