Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
