A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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