you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
