where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
