The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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