you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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