I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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