talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
