Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
