I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
