Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
