So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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