The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
