i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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