Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I fill condoms, not promises.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
