Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
