No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
no you cant smoke seaweed
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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