I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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