I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
