im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
