evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
