My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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