you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
