so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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