god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
