It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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