Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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