well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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