you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
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You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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