her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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