you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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