o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
