we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize