Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
