that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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