dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
