Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
