yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
