Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
